An Unplanned Year

This evening we took a Moroccan Hammam.

Here’s how it went.

We entered the hot steamy room and were instructed to strip off to our undies, then lay down on a heated slab of marble. When I say heated, it felt as if it had had a raging fire underneath it for several hours before we arrived.

We were first hosed down with a high pressure hose – hot water – then soaped from head to toe.

“Roll over Madame”

Hosed and soaped on the other side.

We were left to simmer for a few minutes.

The scrubbing began.

You know when you buy a new scourer for your saucepan and it’s quite rough? Imagine being scrubbed with that. You have an idea of how painful the scrubbing was!

“Roll over Madame”.

Scrubbed on the other side.

“Sit up Madame”.

Hosed down again.

“Turn around Madame”.

I sit cross-legged on the marble bbq with my back to her and she washes my hair, rinses it, then plaits it.

“Lay down Madame”.

I lay down and get covered in clay.

“Roll over Madame”.

The rest of me gets covered in clay.

We’re left to simmer for a few minutes.

The marble slab is so hot by this point  that it is preferable to do a plank than stay laying on it on my front. (Planks suck so bad, that you know the slab must be hot for a plank to be the  preferable option!)

Our cleaners re-enter and hose us down again, then ask us to stand to the side whilst they clean the marble bbq plates.

The floor is as hot as the marble slabs, so we’re awkwardly moving from foot to foot to ensure we leave with skin on the soles of our feet!

“Sit down Madame”.

I do as I am told and she applies a rose face wash to my face and neck. After hosing it off she applies a rose mask.

Whilst that is marinating we are instructed to wash our own “nether regions” and then hose them off. I got to the hose first. Poor Kevin.

We were given one final face wash and the high pressure hose was turned off.

We were wrapped in a towelling robe and led to a massage table for phase two of our paid-for torture session!!

I’m sure the bruises will be apparently in a day or two!

Would we do it again? Absolutely. Have never felt so clean or smooth!

We’ll just wait until the burns fade.

Read how our second hamman went.